Is there anything more delicious than a 1-year-old? Obviously not. Is there anything more frustrating than a 1-year-old with an attitude problem? I don’t think so.
Baby Rex is a very confident little tyrant, as sure of his place in the world as a lion on the African Plain. He marches around the house through all his waking hours butting in on conversations, demanding to be noticed. And it’s not like we don’t help with his inflated ego. Everyone in the family thinks he’s the cat’s meow, and treats him accordingly. Should he want something, he need only demand it — loudly. He talks nonstop, but his extreme confidence means he doesn’t bother with pesky things like clarity of word choice.
He assumes we should (and will) understand him because he’s the most important person in the room. Duh.
He’s developed an interesting double-speak language, in which several words have more than one meaning. It takes all five senses — and a healthy sense of humor — to figure out what he’s saying before he erupts at our stupidity for not understanding his “clear” instructions.
Take a gander:
- No — One would think this particular word has an obvious meaning, especially for a 1-year-old. But for Rex, “no” often means “yes.” Mixed signals? He’s the king of those. This is where a real talent of reading body language is important, if not imperative. If the body language is read wrong, he’ll arch his back. Beware of back-arching. A “no” with a frown is negative… 90% of the time. A “no” with a smile is positive… 90% of the time. The other 10% of the time? Duck and cover.
- Gokie — This means “cookie.” Or “candy.” Or, “Just give me something delicious… but if you choose the wrong ‘gokie,’ I’ll let you know in no uncertain terms.”
- Daddy — This means “Mommy.” Of course. Unless Daddy is there, in which case it means “Parent.” But beware the anger if the wrong parent assumes s/he is being addressed.
- Mommy — This means “Hold me, whoever you are, Mommy or not. Pick me up faster, you dimwit!”
- Waw — This means “water.” Or “milk.” Basically, just give him something to drink. But don’t choose water when he means milk. Or vice versa.
- See — This means, “I want to see what you’re doing on your phone right now. No matter you’re looking at a boring email. Let me see it. OK, now I’m angry it’s just a boring email. I will shout, ‘See, see, see’ in increasing intensity and anger until you switch to a picture of me. A picture of a sister might suffice. You’re welcome to try. Want to put the phone away? Good luck distracting me. I forget nothing.”
- Grunt — This means, “When all else fails, I’ll just grunt until you notice. You’ll ask me what I want, and I’ll let you know by answering with the most obvious of answers:”
What kind of funny double-speak confusion did your 1-year-old put you through?