I am writing a book.
It’s going… oookaaaay.
I don’t know if anyone other than myself and my husband will ever read it, but it’s getting written goshdarnit. And it’s getting written this year.
I’ve known I was going to write a book for a few years now. It was just a matter of what, when, and get going. The “what” is still developing. The “when” and the “get going” have finally been decided by an iron-clad contract. And by “iron-clad contract,” I mean: a hastily scribbled sentence detailing my intent and commitment, written on a scrap piece of paper I can no longer find. But it was witnessed and signed by my husband.
The deal is I have to write for one hour each weekday this month. I get one sick day (I already used it). By September 1, I will turn in my book proposal to my husband. We’ll evaluate and go from there. All good goals need a reward, so when I complete this first agreement, my reward is a day of consignment store shopping sans children.
The first morning of my contract, I stumbled downstairs to turn on my computer, and was jealous it could function at the hour I had chosen to wake it — because I certainly wasn’t functioning.
I stared at the blank screen, fingers poised and ready to dance. But my head stubbornly refused to emit any knowledge, wisdom, wit, or even subject matter. I searched the internet for some writing prompts, found one about Cinderella’s shoe fitting the stepsister instead of Cinderella, and started writing dialogue I’m too embarrassed to share with anyone. I was checking the clock every minute, just dying for the hour to end.
This was not working.
I tried again the next morning. And the morning after. And on and on. Occasionally I would be able to produce something I was proud of, but most often I ended my session downhearted and frustrated. But each morning, I have still made my empty-headed way to the computer.
I began to read my old blog posts to just get places to start. Every now and then I was happy with something I had written in the past, but for the most part, I only saw the foolish flaws and the language that could have been funnier, could have been more meaningful, could have been, could have been.
It’s almost a fact of life that once you set your mind to something, all hell breaks loose in the form of self-doubt. I’m not sure I have the ability to do what I want to do, but for whatever reason, I am currently being blessed with the pitiful ability to trudge along in this lonely journey.
I really like consignment store shopping.
{ 7 comments }
Cool – what a day brightener to start my day with a smile. GO GIRL. (I’ve always wanted to write a book and started lots of times but only have lots of “pieces of paper” with notes ….) YOU CAN DO IT!! Hang in there. Aunt Karen is rooting for you.
This is one of my goals but the “what” is still floating around out there somewhere. I’m so impressed you had the self-discipline to get up at an early hour. That would kill me! Can’t wait to have you autograph my copy of your first book!
Very impressive, Becca! I can imagine it will be a best-seller, if you use the same writing style as your blog. Plus, you’ve already been published in a Parenting magazine, so THAT will look good on your resume as well!
Keep it up!
Haha… we’ll see if it ever gets published. I can’t even think of selling copies. My main goal is to simply finish it!
What??? you were published in parenting magazine? Why wasn’t I told?? I’m so happy and so proud that you are doing this and I know you will have a best seller. You have amazing talent. Please, please don’t give up no matter how discouraged you might get. Just know that discouragement is part of the plan for everything worthwhile. What is the book about?
For all the times we look at some weird picture and say, “I could paint a better picture than that” or after reading a dull children’s book we think, “I could write a better book.” Now you understand how hard it is to create. But maybe you are trying too hard. Sometimes when we write about something that we have just experienced, it kind of flows out but when we set out to duplicate that on another topic we get stuck in the rut. You know you can do it but now you know it is harder when you try to force it. Don’t give up. Keep at it. Anything worth doing is hard.
You should look up the book No Plot No Problem. It’s got a lot of good suggestions and encouragement. Best luck!
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