I know I’m not the only one sick of all this mama drama — you’re a bad mom if you don’t breast feed, but you’re ruining your child’s life if you breast feed too long; your house is disgusting and we’re all judging you for being so sloppy, or your house is immaculate and we’re all judging you for not spending time with your kids; you aren’t a “real” woman if you lost all your baby weight in six weeks, or you really should get on that weight-loss plan if you haven’t lost all your baby weight in six weeks…
Why is motherhood and womanhood constantly under attack?
We women like to compare ourselves to other women. I think this can be a good thing when we look at our neighbor who really doesn’t yell at her kids, and decide we would like to be more like her in that aspect. But more often what happens is we see a good trait, wish we had it, and then hate our whole selves for not having it.
Or what’s been happening most often in the media lately is we see a trait we don’t agree with, feel smug we don’t have it, and slam the entire character of the person possessing that trait until we see her no longer as a person, but as a lumpy mess on the ground, composed entirely of that one trait — and the several others we have assigned to her, assuming they must accompany that trait.
It’s interesting to me that people can get so divisive and downright mean over issues that have no relevance to their own lives. It certainly isn’t loving, and it certainly doesn’t come from God.
After reading about 100 comments on half a dozen posts about that Time Magazine cover (you know the one I’m talking about), I felt so sad for how us women are tearing each other apart. We are a sisterhood. Plus, it’s the women who make a society, you know. I think we can do better.
I’m starting at home, with my own little future women. We don’t get to say rude things about each other in our home. And as the 4-year-old’s ears and understanding are developing at a terrifyingly rapid pace, Mom is quickly learning to change her tone, to stop speaking ill of others, and to make a conscious effort to voice the good things about people. Dad is making an effort to vocally praise the role of mother so that those little developing ears will translate those words into pride in her womanhood and into the confidence to make decisions based on her own feelings rather than what somebody in society says she should do.
It’s hit and miss, and it never ends. Sometimes I gossip, and hope with all my heart that those little ears weren’t paying attention at that moment. Sometimes I wear my weariness on my face and in my voice, and I worry that I am making motherhood look like drudgery. But I don’t stop trying. The fight is worth it.
A few hours ago, I stopped reading those yucky comments about mothers everywhere and decided to go be present as a mother. And as I did that, I found that the joy in my home far exceeds the hate I was reading on the internet.
I happily saw the 4-year-old graciously let the 9-month-old poke and prod her…
I was lucky enough to witness the 9-month-old take time out of her recently acquired fit-throwing habit to flash me a happy smile…
I felt real happiness when the 4-year-old and 9-month-old tried their darndest to make the other sister laugh the hardest…
I laughed when the 9-month-old humored the 4-year-old by listening to a nonsense “knock-knock” joke…
and I took the time to snuggle the attention-craving 4-year-old…
Slowly and steadily, we’ll make a difference.
{ 6 comments }
You’re quoted in a published “Parenting” magazine! You’re definitely qualified to give advice on motherhood!
Great post!
You are so right! I read the same public comments yesterday and have been so disgusted! I don’t understand why some people get so defensive when others do something differently than they do. Since when is there only one right way to do something? Especially with parenting!! Every parent/child dynamic different and unique. Women really can be so hurtful to each other. The other thing that drives me crazy about this issue is that people hide behind their anonymity on the internet and say horrible, trashy things about others, things they would never say to someone’s face. It breaks my heart. Thanks for taking the time to write this!! I love your blog!
Starting at home is the very best idea ever. Seriously. I love that.
I couldn’t agree with you more! Why can’t we as women say “that’s not for me”, or “I choose to do that a different way” and leave it at that. Sometimes we feel threatened, insecure, jelous, and so many other emotions and we react to what we’re feeling. But I love that you wrote this, you reminded me that change starts with ME and those that I have direct influence on, like my daughters!
You, my dear daughter, are an awesome mom. Keep it up. I am learning much from you. I love the joy you have in motherhood and that you are willing to live the ‘right’ for yourself and your family. You are raising beautiful daughters that we are all proud of.
I agree with all that has been said in this blog. I think my only concern is for the child and I worry, will that magazine cover come back to haunt him when he is a teenager. with modern technology that is a real possibility and that could be tragic. I didn’t read the hateful things that were said so I was surprised at some of the comments here, but I love what was said to support our sisterhood and our differences, and I love the love that was the tone of the comments. I also think you are an awesome mom.
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