I Need Space — But it Can Wait

by Rebecca on November 8, 2011

I turn around from grabbing an ingredient out of the refrigerator and she is there, underfoot.

I stand up after cleaning out the counter under the bathroom sink, and my stiff-from-crouching knees nearly trip over her little body.

I swoosh around the kitchen in a flurry, trying to put groceries away while she keeps one hand on my pant leg.

I settle down to nurse the baby, and her wiggly body is nudging its way first onto my lap, then over my shoulders, then at my feet.

I hurry out the door, and accidentally bonk her in the head with the car seat because she is lingering too close by my side in too tight of a space.

I feel frustration. I feel too needed. I want space to myself. I speak a little too harshly.

And then, when she is in bed and the house is quiet, I sneak into her room and crawl in her bed, where I hold her as close as possible.

And I vow to do better tomorrow. For she is growing up faster than I can grasp — she is getting more independent by the day. One day, she won’t want to play the role of my shadow. And I will miss it.

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{ 9 comments }

von November 8, 2011 at 10:22 pm: So true. I have to always remember this.
Vanessa November 8, 2011 at 10:52 pm: I know, I have a hard time with this with Abby. Poki not because she likes space like me I need to be nicer to Abby.
Jenny November 8, 2011 at 11:52 pm: Very sweet…I love you, Becca.
Emily November 9, 2011 at 12:05 am: I totally understand.
Sarah November 9, 2011 at 7:33 am: Can I still blame my tears after reading your post on my post-pregnancy hormones? I feel the same way. I get so frustrated during the day and find myself wishing for a little space, then when my daughter’s sleeping and I finally have that “me” time, I miss her. Thanks for reminding me to enjoy it because it will all be over too soon!
Diane Wright November 9, 2011 at 8:50 am: This is every mother’s reality. I will say, that if there are any regrets, it’s that I didn’t take more time during those years when I was the whole world to them because it is so fleeting. I guess it’s all or very little. You either feel smothered by them or you long to be more a part of their life. You are a wonderful mother Becca, no worries.
mindy November 9, 2011 at 3:46 pm: thanks for making me cry! i am always guilty of this and i, too, go in at night and find myself trying to make up for it or wanting to wake them and tell them how much i love them and how i vow to do better the next day. remember every day is a new day…a new start, a chance to do better. love you becc!
i SO feel that everyday. when can we see you again?
Jess November 10, 2011 at 9:49 pm: I feel this way every day too. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one! It’s just like everything else I guess, there is always room for improvement!
Raquel Bonino November 13, 2011 at 5:36 pm: i needed that today….frustrating, emotional day….thanks for reminding me how good i have it!