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Klutzy Days

pexels-photo (1)My life would be an exciting gag reel for any movie.  You see, I am a klutz.  It’s not my fault, though.  It’s inherited from my father.  He trips over smooth sidewalks.  (Not that I don’t.)

I’ve tripped, fallen, run into things, and put my foot in my mouth (yes, that’s klutzy too) more times than I can count.  Some of those times have been very funny.  Maybe I’ll tell you about those one day.

But today, I will tell you of a most ridiculous event that took place just a few hours ago.

There I was, at the pool with my darling daughter.  We were the first ones there and playing on the slide/jungle gym before the water was turned on.   A thoughtful lifeguard walked up to me and asked if I wanted him to turn the water on for the jungle gym thing.  “Sure!  We’d love that,” I answered.  I went back to playing and watching my daughter, immediately forgetting what was about to happen.

A few minutes later, the water BURST on with a force that would make Old Faithful jealous.  You see where this is going, right?  Not thinking ahead, I had positioned myself right IN FRONT of a contraption that had at least 6 spouts.  The spouts were level with my FACE.  And as luck would have it, they were probably the strongest spouts on that whole jungle gym.  It was a most pathetic thing to see, I’m sure, as I scrambled to remove my face from a forceful water attack.  I even saw the lifeguard stifle a chuckle while I sputtered and wiped the mascara off from under my eyes.

Embarrassing, yes, but not nearly as embarrassing as what happened next.  What happened next has never happened to me in the history of my klutzing.  If you’re thinking public nudity, get your mind out of the gutter for goodness’ sakes.  But A+ for getting the right answer.

Yes, friends.  Not to be outdone by the episode with my face, my bum decided to get in on the action.  A few minutes later, I walked into a minefield of surging water to retrieve my daughter.  Again, I klutzily positioned my body to be in the optimum location for maximum embarrassment.  As I maneuvered through the confusing land of forceful water, I felt something not quite right on my backside.  When I reached back to see what was wrong, I touched skin.  Skin where there should be a swimsuit.  I’ve never mooned anybody before, but today I mooned a 7 year old girl and her mother.  A momentous day, I’m sure.  I can only hope they were too absorbed in playing and swimming that they didn’t notice my first (and hopefully last!) unveiling.

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