Miss Elaine
by Rebecca on October 15, 2009
I try not to have regrets. If I do something stupid, I repent and put it behind me. I don’t hold on to past mistakes because they have a way of clouding up your current happiness.
But this mistake I am about to tell you- I do deeply regret.
This is a picture of my middle school bus driver, Elaine Goldstein.
image from modestobee
We called her Miss Elaine. She was one of the most cheerful people I have come in contact with. And that’s saying something, considering she drove a bus full of surly pre and early teens each and every day.
She knew us all by name and greeted us that way each day. She gave us Cokes on many Fridays. And if I remember correctly, she soon noticed I don’t drink Coke, and started bringing a Sprite especially for me.
When my class graduated from 8th grade, she was there. She came up to me and handed me an envelope. Inside was a note and some money. I felt pretty special. Then, I noticed she was handing an envelope to everybody in my graduating class- even to kids who didn’t ride her bus. Each envelope held money.
I don’t know how she was able to give money to over 80 kids. That act of generosity has been brought to my remembrance over and over again. At some times of my life, I have been generous. At other times, I have been incredibly selfish. Each time I think of Miss Elaine’s generosity that day, I want to be better about sharing my blessings.
And now, here is my confession and my regret:
I went to California for a visit last month. The thought hit me that I should look up Miss Elaine and let her meet my daughter and husband. Even though it’s been 12 years since I last saw her, I knew she would remember me and be so happy to meet my family because she was just that kind of person- the kind that doesn’t forget. The kind who is truly happy for the happiness of others.
Sadly, I ignored that feeling. I was only in California for a few very busy days, and I did not try to look her up. I thought that maybe I would try to find her on my next visit home.
She passed away September 30 from cancer.
I don’t think I’ll get past this feeling of regret. But I hope that by sharing it, I will be more motivated to heed those feelings I sometimes get. And I hope Miss Elaine and all those like her will be remembered.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
aw sad. i’m so sorry. I did the same thing though too
I thought I should have went and saw Tony one Thanksgiving while I was home and didn’t and then he was killed in a motorcycle accident that Jan. Life stinks sometimes…but that is nice she left such a good impression on you all these years.
She gave you more than the gift of money, and now she knows it. Regrets are lessons to be learned too.
Miss Elaine was the best! She is a kind, gentle and generous spirit who touched many lives. Thanks to my three kids that went to Jefferson for nine years each I have many Miss Elaine stories. I wasn’t aware that she had passed and I thank you for sharing your feelings.
Regrets can really eat at you. I use to regret. I stopped doing that to myself about a year ago. Best thing I ever did for myself.
Awww
I so know what you are feeling. Just try to focus on the good things. My thoughts are with you.
Oh Rebecca, Your blog about our dear Elaine was so touching…I cried all the way through it. I’m printing out your beautiful tribute and putting it in my memory box with all the other speical tributes and cards. There were parents, students, staff members, former bosses, State Department of Transportation etc. who all spoke at her memorial. It was just beautiful. Yolonda Placeras (Jefferson employee) told of how each year, Elaine asked her for a list of names of all the graduates. Elaine would prepare the envelopes containing anywhere from $2.00-$5.00 for each graduate. She was so thoughtful and caring. God sent her to me, I have no doubt. She was just goodness! One of the songs she chose for her memorial was “For Good” from the play wicked. Listen to the song/words. It played with a slideshow I had made of her life. If I can somehow send that your way, I will.
I had a favorite teacher in High School, Mr. Ernest Polletti/speech. He was the most intelligent person I have ever known, and believed in me much more than I ever believed in myself. He was a strong male figure in my life. I had not seen him since I graduated high school 30 years ago, but thought alot about him, the confidence he had in me and how I drove him crazy because of my lack of self esteem and courage to compete in speech competitions. His confidence in me began blooming as I got older and I’m pretty comfortable speaking freely in front of groups of people. Last year, I wrote him a very personal letter, explaining a lot of my life at that time..and thanked him for his faith in me, confidence and inspiration, etc. I set it aside for a month or so….and opened the paper to find that he had died. Deep Regret that I didn’t have the chance to thank him and let him know how important he was to me during my teen years. Regret is ok because I learned from it..and now I don’t hesitate to let someone know i’m thinking of them, apprecaite them etc…a quick note, card etc.
Elaine would be pleased to know that her life was used as a learning tool for you. I always told her that Gods mission for her was helping people and touching their lives-and even in her death, she is still doing so.
Treasure your happy memories of her….she would LOVE that and would NOT want you to feel badly about anything! She knew as I know that you were/are a great girl with a heart of gold…your blog proves that. I believe they feel us in heaven and are all knowing….
I know she’s smiling on you now~ I sure am! 
Fondly,
Cynthia San Julian
I believe Miss Elaine knows you care and I feel you have touched many lifes through your post. Thanks for your example.
I’m so glad I found your post today! It’s really beautiful. You know she would not want you to feel badly. She would want you to honor her legacy in a better way, such as doing something nice for no reason